Another year done and gone and another holiday alone. It is Easter again and here I am still single and struggling to make holiday plans, when I want nothing more than to dye eggs with my own family and play Easter bunny for my kids. I remember as a child, it being so magical. We would leave the Easter bunny some carrots and I would always break out my crayons and markers and write the Easter bunny a little note and draw pictures. I can remember the strong vinegar smell and stained bright fingertips from the egg dye. We would wake up and there were beautiful baskets of shiny foil wrapped candy and a plastic egg hunt with more copious amounts of candy. Usually, a few eggs with money too. My brother and I would be so competitive in finding the most. Since he is much taller, he could easily reach the ones hidden up in the above cabinets and shelves if it were inside, or in the high tree limbs and bushes if we were outside. We would dump out all our loot and compare and sometimes trade if we had found all the same candy. Polished in a new Spring themed dress, we would head off to church as a family, and then home to a big meal. It was usually a brunch style with ham, mashed potatoes, scrambled eggs and scallions, fresh fruit salad, and homemade cinnamon rolls with extended family. It was always a lot of fun and one of my favorite holidays.
Now I’m just alone. What do you do when your heart desires a family of your own and you keep getting older and another year goes by and nothing changes?! It’s heartbreaking! It feels like you will never share that magic with your own family. That it is just a distant childhood dream, but it will never happen for you. You see all the posts on social media of all the kids in their cute outfits with Easter baskets and can’t help but wishing that was you enjoying the day in the same fashion.
And I know the day is about Jesus and the cross and His resurrection, which is truly amazing and remarkable, and I can remember being in the church productions as a child and laying out the palm leaves as Jesus went by on His donkey into Jerusalem and I wish my own kids would get to experience that too. I try to just focus on what the day truly means, but then don’t you want to celebrate with loved ones even more?
So this year, as I was relaying my frustrations and hurt heart to my bible study women, on yet another Easter totally single, one joked, “You could adopt me and make me an Easter basket.” I laughed. And with that idea, I decided I would purposely focus on what I could celebrate in my life and not on what I was missing. I decided to go to the store and get several bags of candy, plastic eggs, and dog treats and make Easter baskets for my friends and dogs in the neighborhood. It was fun fluffing the fake grass, filling up the eggs with treats, and distributing the goodies, and it genuinely warmed my heart to be able to do that. It may not be the perfect ending and my heart still desires my own family more than anything, but it was a small win where I didn’t let the devil steal my joy this year. I chose to change my perspective and come from a place of blessing, rather than lacking. To give and experience, rather than to be left out totally. Tomorrow is Easter Day and I will pass out the rest of the little gifts, wear a nice dress and go to church, followed by a brunch reservation with friends and I will celebrate!