Updated: May 23
Fear is a very real and deep-rooted emotion that holds so many of us back on the daily. Fear isn’t just phobias like spiders and flying, but those are very real phobias indeed! But more so fear of rejection, judgement, the future, change, new ventures, falling in love and getting hurt or never finding love at all, embarrassment, failure, not meeting expectations, finances, etc. There are so many fears, worries, and insecurities we face every day. Sometimes we might not even realize that fear is at the core of the issue. But how do we live a fulfilled life with these fears knocking on our door?
I’m definitely someone who plans and is methodical and thinks things through before acting, so those deep thoughts of fear creep in when I’m trying to plan for my future and where God is leading me. “What if I fail at this?” What if I never find love or become a mom?” “What if the costs of living keep inflating and I can’t afford to live?” “Am I doing enough?” “What’s going to happen to me?” “Do I move?” And if I’m honest, these thoughts come in and paralyze me, so that I just do nothing. Make no moves at all. And that’s just what the devil wants. For us to lose all faith, hope, and worry and fret and do nothing to honor God in our lives.
I know God is always there, loves me, and will provide. He is a good God. But I know I need to act too. Jesus take the wheel, but I’m still in that car on the never ending journey of life and have to participate. I can really get caught up in “What’s the next move, God?” As this season of singleness continues to drag on, my heart feels like it will never end. I think a lot of relationships are right place at the right time in the right stage of life and I know God could make that happen at any moment. Why He doesn’t or why He is waiting, is a hard pill to swallow. I have to keep trusting that God has a husband out there for me and a plan for me. And it’s hard when I see no fruit for all my faith. I don’t know what’s worse to have lots of dates and potential relationships not work out or to not really meet anyone and be pretty much strictly single until the time is right. Both have their disappointment. But it has definitely left my soul feeling very restless. I think when you are off the market, there is some stability and security that someone chose you and you are now building a life together. But when you are still in the search for your better half, trying to figure out where to meet a Godly spouse and how to spend your time is challenging. There are a lot of meetups, dating apps, events, parties, volunteer opportunities, bible studies, etc and I don’t have the time or money to do them all, so it’s hard to discern what to do, especially for an introvert like myself. And let’s be honest, at this stage of trying it all, I’d rather do it with a spouse, not alone, but then I wouldn’t be needing or attending a lot of this. It’s a conundrum. I’d rather spend weekends hobnobbing around town at leisure with my hubby, then having forced, awkward small talk to meet a husband. But that’s where I’m at.
And yes God has provided for my basic needs and I have had some awesome single experiences I’m extremely thankful for, like single women’s bible study, writing, solo trips, etc. But I also am ready for the next chapter in my life. I’m really independent, but also desire more, like the love of my husband and to experience motherhood. And being a business owner, the future can be daunting. The unknowns can be astronomical, that I really have prayed for a helper to help navigate life with. ‘God said, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper that is just right for him.” Genesis 2:18. Every decision and every task is on my shoulders. It gets exhausting. Help with taking out the trash, dog potty breaks, carrying the heavy case of water bottles up my steep stairs, while discussing and laughing over life’s quandaries would be so helpful. Basically, I’m so ready for a loving husband on every level- emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally and to do life together and the fear that this may never happen, absolutely terrifies me! I have to fight against this deep fear as each day passes by and it doesn’t happen.
There’s a reason fear is mentioned 365 times in the bible. God knew we would need a reminder for each day of the year. “I may walk through valleys as dark as death, but I won’t be afraid, You are with me Lord and comfort me.” Psalms 23:4. Every day, I battle fear taking over my thoughts with failure, my future, my business and finances, a spouse, motherhood, my family and friends, etc. and I have to remind my heart and soul that God did not forget about me and that He hears my prayers. That He has a plan, that He knows and sees all and is working things out for good. Just because I don’t see anything happening, doesn’t mean it’s not and I need to continue to speak good things into these areas of my life and not live in fear. It’s easier said than done at times I know, but it’s so important to put on that armor of God daily. Ephesians 6 says, “Be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the armor that God gives, so you can defend yourself against the devil’s tactics. For we are not fighting with humans, but with darkness. Stand firm having tightened the band of truth around your waist, the breastplate of righteousness, boots of the gospel of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God.”
So, my question to ponder is this:
Fear is inevitable. We are human, but how can we use it to motivate ourselves closer to God?
I know for me, if I had a family early on, along with other things like maybe not becoming the women God designed me to be, I might not have this deep-rooted fear of not being blessed with a husband, that has ultimately sent me running after God. That I wouldn’t need Jesus as much as I do to fill that void, give me purpose, and fill my love tank. It may not feel like it’s enough some days, in full transparency, but my soul knows its worth it. Nothing is better than The Father’s love. And that wins over any fear.